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Introduction
Tyrell Main
Corporate Page
Services
Paintball
Tyrell Stories
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Team History
Investors
 CAUTION: This page is pure satire.  Please don't take any of this seriously.  Oh, and quit calling about the Nuclear Hand Grenade!  It is a restricted export item. 


Company Overview:

Founded by A. Eldon Tyrell the Tyrell Corporation LLC is, 
"The Name You Can Trust." The Tyrell Corporation is a 
professional organization serving as a solutions provider. 
We operate in the defense, training, logistics, and intelligence spaces,
 priding ourselves on providing our customers with high class service. 
Our far reaching capabilities make us a valuable solutions provider to
 any well funded organization.


Mission Statement:

Profit is not only our objective—it is the standard at Tyrell Corporation LLC. 
We do everything in a manner that represents all of our team members 
and associates. Our people lead with action, putting the financial needs
 before all others and satisfying our customers. Often called upon to take 
on tasks others simply cannot, we accept the challenges of our customers, 
yearning to exceed their expectations and keep their business for years to
 come.


Featured Products

Nuclear Hand Grenade (Stock Number: BMFB00M4321)
This handy little deterent will clear the room, the building, and a few square miles beyond. 
Comes in its own lead and copper-lined container made completely of recycled materials
contributed by hostile nations around the world.  Please read all instructions carefully.
(Manual sold separately).  

Customer assumes all responsibility for avoiding IAEA inspection teams upon receipt. 
  Hand_Grenade_Box

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Stealth Bomb (Stock Number: UGT2BK1D-NG)

Everyone has a "stealth" fighter or bomber now.  It is so last century. 

 Be the first on your continent to own the ultimate in Stealth technology.  The stealth bomb.

Be the first on your continent to own the ultimate in stealth technology - the Stealth Bomb®.  
Now your ordinance can be as stealthy as your airfcraft. Your enemies not only won't know you're coming,
they won't know you attacked at all!   


You'll have years of fun knowing you destroyed your enemies and they were completely clueless. 
We guarantee that your enemies will be overawed at
 the prospect of never knowing when they've been destroyed! 
Think of their embarassment when you send our custom 
"You've been totally pwned!" card to their embassy.  
Who would risk war with you when you can strike without warning 
or noticable effect? 

Here's the best part: it is 100% environmentally friendly!  That's right!  You won't have to worry about the UN
whining about climate change or Greenpeace protesting your destruction of the Purple Tailed Tree Frog Beetle. 
They won't be able to tell you've dropped the ultimate in camoflaged destruction right in the middle of the
 Amazon.

   


              Before:                                                                               After:


nuke_plant                                


Even people standing in the impact zone can't tell that this "pharmaceutical plant  
has been hit by the Stealth Bomb®






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 Dehydrated Water (Stock Number: H0-WDR41AM)
Worried about the final Apocalypse, but short on storage space? 
This is the solution: Dehydrated Water!  

Everyone knows that dehydrated food take up less space and last longer.
 Unfortunately, water is incompressible.  Until now! 
The Tyrell Corporation has developed a special water-like substance called 
"Dihydrogen monoxide" that readily gives up its unnecessary mass through a special exothermic reaction.  
The end result is a gallon of dehydrated water reduced to a convenient foil package.* 


Turn this.                                  
Into this! 


water_jug




                               









  

*Just add water to restore lost mass.  And yes, "incrompessible" IS a word.  Look it up.
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